Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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