Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
