I hope mine doesn't look like that
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
