Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize