i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Swine flu is the new snow day.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
