I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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