I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
