with your own penis?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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