I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
you told grandpa to call you daddy
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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