There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
