I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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