And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
