He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
