In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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