It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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