fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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