and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
