I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
