I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
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