mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
