I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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