Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
