Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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