You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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