Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
