this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
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i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
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I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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