I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
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he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
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You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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