i jhust puked up my retainher.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Randomize
