I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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