It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
