Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
