clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
