so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
