I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
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i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
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i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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