I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
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