I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
