1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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