I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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