It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
