and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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