He kissed a someone with a penis
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
