A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
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It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize