i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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