guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
