Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
