so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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