I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
