I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
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