I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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