So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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