I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
