dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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