I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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