Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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