Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
