hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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