I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
