Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
