Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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