remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
