you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize