I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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