i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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