I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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